LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP-STEPS TO A HAPPY AND BLISSFUL MARRIAGE
Topics on marriage have been dealt with extensively by so many authors and pastors that writing on a marriage-related topic doesn’t even look original or interesting anymore.
Despite the loss of interest people are still marrying so I am also writing this piece with the hope that it will meet the needs and aspirations of one or two people who are considering marrying soon.
If you happen to be one of such people or will sooner or later be, please take a moment to read this post before you commit yourself to marriage. It is not a matter of scaring or putting you off but to guide you to tread carefully before committing yourself into it.
In my time of crisis, when I needed most the moral and spiritual support of my life partner, she deserted me painfully.
I passed through some unpleasant moments before I was able to reorganize myself for a second marriage a few years later.
The unpleasant moments gave me a lot to think about, in terms of the qualities of a good wife. For, having a loving and understanding partner is a foremost requisite for a happy and blissful marriage life.
Honestly such qualities are rare and even those who possess them are tagged as being stupid. But being stupid to enjoy your trouble-free marital life is far better than to be too wise in an unhappy marriage.
No one is going to make your marriage life happy for you but yourself and it is regardless of having money.
Some people think it’s about having lots of money. Whilst money is undoubtedly a factor it is quite far from being the dominant factor.
The millionaires wouldn’t have had any headaches with marital problems but some have told me they have.
In one of those millionaire divorce cases, Michael Jordan, a billionaire basketball player in the United States parted with a whopping $ 168 million when he parted with his wife Juanita in 2007. Just look at the money, what happiness couldn’t they get from being rich? But something else was missing between them.
I have given today’s post a theme: look before you leap.
Marriage is not a trial and error thing, to be toyed with.
If you are a young man or woman getting ready to marry please stop and read this before you proceed further with your plans. It may help you to straighten one or two things.
Are you marrying to divorce later or you are marrying till death do you part?
Why am I asking such a silly question? Who marries with the intention to divorce later? But is it strange that couples are divorcing every day? Didn’t they marry in the first place?
Look before you leap so you will not marry today and divorce tomorrow.
In fact something is seriously wrong with some people who marry. They marry to divorce. Quite silly, I think. They shouldn’t have worried themselves planning a wedding. You may disagree with me that there could be hidden things they didn’t know or some kind of insurmountable pressure or something that calls for nothing but divorce. It is a very negative thing in life to be involved in and doesn’t resonate with successful life.
Do not rush into marriage, even if you are a bit late, which is to say if all your age mates have married and you have not. You may be tempted to give in to whoever it is that comes your way without assessing anything because you think you are already late and frustrated.
It will be a sad mistake to act like that. Just take a little time to study a thing or two here.
Here are few qualities or things to look out for in your partner. If you overlook them they may be a cause for you to seek divorce later. They are subtle, little things you may be tempted to ignore but may come back later as a monster to destroy your marriage. Look before you leap.
- Are you two closer in age?
It is normal for the man to be slightly higher in age than the woman. That also reinforces his authority as head of the house.
When difference in age is too wide, say 10-40/50 the relationship is likely to become a father-daughter affair where it will always be the man who dictates and takes decision in the house. The younger one will always have some inferiority complex and may not be able to bring on board alternate suggestions for building a happy marriage. In the end when frustration sets in she will begin to look elsewhere for compatibility. The older men normally sustain this type of marriage with lavish spending on the younger girl.
- Do you have similar interests, ideals and beliefs?
Marriage is for companionship and you must have similar interests to be able to share ideas together or learn from each other.
If the woman likes making too many friends it may not be to the liking of the man, similarly if the man likes playing outdoor games too much she may not like it because it will keep her man away from her most of the time.
Whilst the two of you may be deeply in love differences in your religious beliefs could be a factor which can destabilize your marriage in future.
- Is the tribe or nationality okay with you?
Now marriages cross international boundaries because love knows no boundaries. Whilst this is true it is also true that there are sorts of discrimination among tribes in West Africa. You may call it tribalism or nationalism. Some tribes do not want marriages from a certain tribe because they are either far apart or they have customs considered intolerable.
Your parents may frown upon you if your lover comes from such a tribe or nation. Your marriage partner must be acceptable to your people in terms of ethnicity.
- Does your partner have a secure profession?
This is a question a woman must ask herself. If your man has no secure source of income, will he be able to face up to his responsibilities? In many of the situations where the woman is the breadwinner for the family the marriage is not solid. The longer that situation lasts, the weaker the marriage becomes.
- Is he independent?
If your lover stays in his family house it is good. He has no accommodation problem. To bring you (fiancée) to stay together in the man’s family house is to bring you to stay in a hornet’s nest.
Young couples must stay independently of each other’s family house to get the necessary freedom to live their lives.
- Does your partner have a behavior you dislike but has not been able to tell him/her?
You love your partner because he/she even loves you better. But there is something seriously wrong with him/her you have not been able to point it out yet, either for fear of offending him/her or just finding it difficult.
Know yourself that if at the initial stage you are unable to express your feelings, you may take it along with you into your marital home. Feel free to express your thoughts in a polite way. Anything right is worth saying, okay?
May be you are able to know that he cheats his business partners or the Company where he works to get some extras.
The man may also be in a position to know that each time his woman returns from the salon she brings with her a new perfume which she didn’t buy.
These are examples of things you must be bold to point out in a polite or jovial way.
- Does he/she attach much importance to personal neatness?
Repulsive body and breadth odor are two things which do not contribute to joyful cohabitation. Unless somebody very close is able to tell you, you may not know that you have halitosis, that is, bad breadth from the mouth.
Halitosis is a medical problem and if you find that your partner has it, be bold to point it out so that you can find cure for it, to enable you to enjoy your kissing better.
Personal neatness is important in a relationship that is heading towards marriage. Someone who doesn’t pay special attention to personal neatness hasn’t got a character you can rely on for life.
- Does he/she decide without consulting you?
Decisions concerning both of you should be taken by both of you except in circumstances where one can decide for both. If it’s not so then a situation where one will dominate and be bossy is coming and that may not be very good for a long and lasting marriage.
- Is your partner in good relationship with his/her parents and siblings?
In the African context from which I am writing if a woman marries a man she marries the whole of the man’s family because she is expected to extend the same love and hospitality to any member who will visit them.
If your man is not in good terms with his own sisters you are in for future trouble. They’ll extend the same terms to you.
Talk to him to patch up with them so that they can get along with you well in your marriage life.
Some boys can run away from home early in life to escape control and living under authority. They try prematurely to live on their own or with friends to pursue their evil desires and ambitions.
Such people lack morals which are necessary for living with a member of the opposite sex. They may show a fine face initially but inside them live ‘terror’. Watch out, fair lady and know his background. Like searching for employment do some background research to know him better.
As you are growing older, you need to take prudent decisions concerning your life. One of such decisions is making a good choice for a life partner so that you will never sleep and dream of divorce.
Wishing you all potential couples in 2016 a happy and blessed marriage!