STEPS TO A HAPPY AND BLISSFUL MARRIAGE

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP-STEPS TO A HAPPY AND BLISSFUL MARRIAGE

Topics on marriage have been dealt with extensively by so many authors and pastors that writing on a marriage-related topic doesn’t even look original or interesting anymore.

Despite the loss of interest people are still marrying so I am also writing this piece with the hope that it will meet the needs and aspirations of one or two people who are considering marrying soon.

Young attractive couple very close to kissing each other while on their date at a cafe
Young attractive couple very close to kissing each other while on their date at a cafe

If you happen to be one of such people or will sooner or later be, please take a moment to read this post before you commit yourself to marriage. It is not a matter of scaring or putting you off but to guide you to tread carefully before committing yourself into it.

In my time of crisis, when I needed most the moral and spiritual support of my life partner, she deserted me painfully.

I passed through some unpleasant moments before I was able to reorganize myself for a second marriage a few years later.

The unpleasant moments gave me a lot to think about, in terms of the qualities of a good wife. For, having a loving and understanding partner is a foremost requisite for a happy and blissful marriage life.

Honestly such qualities are rare and even those who possess them are tagged as being stupid. But being stupid to enjoy your trouble-free marital life is far better than to be too wise in an unhappy marriage.

No one is going to make your marriage life happy for you but yourself and it is regardless of having money.

Some people think it’s about having lots of money. Whilst money is undoubtedly a factor it is quite far from being the dominant factor.

The millionaires wouldn’t have had any headaches with marital problems but some have told me they have.

In one of those millionaire divorce cases, Michael Jordan, a billionaire basketball player in the United States parted with a whopping $ 168 million when he parted with his wife Juanita in 2007. Just look at the money, what happiness couldn’t they get from being rich? But something else was missing between them.

I have given today’s post a theme: look before you leap.

Marriage is not a trial and error thing, to be toyed with.

If you are a young man or woman getting ready to marry please stop and read this before you proceed further with your plans. It may help you to straighten one or two things.

Are you marrying to divorce later or you are marrying till death do you part?

Why am I asking such a silly question? Who marries with the intention to divorce later? But is it strange that couples are divorcing every day? Didn’t they marry in the first place?

Look before you leap so you will not marry today and divorce tomorrow.

In fact something is seriously wrong with some people who marry. They marry to divorce. Quite silly, I think. They shouldn’t have worried themselves planning a wedding. You may disagree with me that there could be hidden things they didn’t know or some kind of insurmountable pressure or something that calls for nothing but divorce. It is a very negative thing in life to be involved in and doesn’t resonate with successful life.

Do not rush into marriage, even if you are a bit late, which is to say if all your age mates have married and you have not. You may be tempted to give in to whoever it is that comes your way without assessing anything because you think you are already late and frustrated.

It will be a sad mistake to act like that. Just take a little time to study a thing or two here.

Here are few qualities or things to look out for in your partner. If you overlook them they may be a cause for you to seek divorce later. They are subtle, little things you may be tempted to ignore but may come back later as a monster to destroy your marriage. Look before you leap.

  1. Are you two closer in age?

It is normal for the man to be slightly higher in age than the woman. That also reinforces his authority as head of the house.

When difference in age is too wide, say 10-40/50 the relationship is likely to become a father-daughter affair where it will always be the man who dictates and takes decision in the house. The younger one will always have some inferiority complex and may not be able to bring on board alternate suggestions for building a happy marriage. In the end when frustration sets in she will begin to look elsewhere for compatibility. The older men normally sustain this type of marriage with lavish spending on the younger girl.

 

  1. Do you have similar interests, ideals and beliefs?

Marriage is for companionship and you must have similar interests to be able to share ideas together or learn from each other.

If the woman likes making too many friends it may not be to the liking of the man, similarly if the man likes playing outdoor games too much she may not like it because it will keep her man away from her most of the time.

Whilst the two of you may be deeply in love differences in your religious beliefs could be a factor which can destabilize your marriage in future.

 

  1. Is the tribe or nationality okay with you?

Now marriages cross international boundaries because love knows no boundaries. Whilst this is true it is also true that there are sorts of discrimination among tribes in West Africa. You may call it tribalism or nationalism. Some tribes do not want marriages from a certain tribe because they are either far apart or they have customs considered intolerable.

Your parents may frown upon you if your lover comes from such a tribe or nation. Your marriage partner must be acceptable to your people in terms of ethnicity.

  1. Does your partner have a secure profession?

This is a question a woman must ask herself. If your man has no secure source of income, will he be able to face up to his responsibilities? In many of the situations where the woman is the breadwinner for the family the marriage is not solid. The longer that situation lasts, the weaker the marriage becomes.

  1. Is he independent?

If your lover stays in his family house it is good. He has no accommodation problem. To bring you (fiancée) to stay together in the man’s family house is to bring you to stay in a hornet’s nest.

Young couples must stay independently of each other’s family house to get the necessary freedom to live their lives.

 

  1. Does your partner have a behavior you dislike but has not been able to tell him/her?

You love your partner because he/she even loves you better. But there is something seriously wrong with him/her you have not been able to point it out yet, either for fear of offending him/her or just finding it difficult.

Know yourself that if at the initial stage you are unable to express your feelings, you may take it along with you into your marital home. Feel free to express your thoughts in a polite way. Anything right is worth saying, okay?

May be you are able to know that he cheats his business partners or the Company where he works to get some extras.

The man may also be in a position to know that each time his woman returns from the salon she brings with her a new perfume which she didn’t buy.

These are examples of things you must be bold to point out in a polite or jovial way.

 

  1. Does he/she attach much importance to personal neatness?

Repulsive body and breadth odor are two things which do not contribute to joyful cohabitation. Unless somebody very close is able to tell you, you may not know that you have halitosis, that is, bad breadth from the mouth.

Halitosis is a medical problem and if you find that your partner has it, be bold to point it out so that you can find cure for it, to enable you to enjoy your kissing better.

Personal neatness is important in a relationship that is heading towards marriage. Someone who doesn’t pay special attention to personal neatness hasn’t got a character you can rely on for life.

 

  1. Does he/she decide without consulting you?

Decisions concerning both of you should be taken by both of you except in circumstances where one can decide for both. If it’s not so then a situation where one will dominate and be bossy is coming and that may not be very good for a long and lasting marriage.

  1. Is your partner in good relationship with his/her parents and siblings?

In the African context from which I am writing if a woman marries a man she marries the whole of the man’s family because she is expected to extend the same love and hospitality to any member who will visit them.

If your man is not in good terms with his own sisters you are in for future trouble. They’ll extend the same terms to you.

Talk to him to patch up with them so that they can get along with you well in your marriage life.

Some boys can run away from home early in life to escape control and living under authority. They try prematurely to live on their own or with friends to pursue their evil desires and ambitions.

Such people lack morals which are necessary for living with a member of the opposite sex. They may show a fine face initially but inside them live ‘terror’. Watch out, fair lady and know his background. Like searching for employment do some background research to know him better.

As you are growing older, you need to take prudent decisions concerning your life. One of such decisions is making a good choice for a life partner so that you will never sleep and dream of divorce.

Wishing you all potential couples in 2016 a happy and blessed marriage!

Adieu!

 

 

 

 

 

Young attractive couple very close to kissing each other while on their date at a cafe
Young attractive couple very close to kissing each other while on their date at a cafe

HOW TO END AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE

HOW TO END AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE (updated 7th Aug, 2016)

The Marriage institution was ordained by God to bring a man and a woman together for the purpose of procreation. Aside of that it is for companionship.

So many factors have worked against this institution since the time of the first couple and still continue to be so up to today.

husband & wife

Most of the factors emanate from Satan who is seriously working to destabilize marriages in a rebellion against the creator of the marriage institution.

This manifests itself in many ways to bring unhappiness in marriages but fortunately it is within the ability of man to overcome some of these obstacles in marriage.

e.unhappy marriage

Now, let’s see if you have a marital problem that manifests itself in any of these ways:

  • You are stuck in your marriage and see no progress in your life
  • You have regretted marrying your partner
  • Your spouse has changed from his/her initial good behavior
  • You want a divorce
  • Things have drastically worsened since your wedding
  • You’ve been married for 5 or more years without an issue
  • You believe your marriage is under spiritual attack
  • Your spouse has lost his/her job
  • You don’t trust your spouse for a reason
  • You are fed up with your marriage and need temporary separation

If you do not have any of the above problems in your marriage God has blessed you already and you have a solid foundation and need to read no further. No, read and advise those who need advice.

If any one of the above is related to your problem you still have something to learn, like the school kids always carrying hiking bags behind them, you’ll be my student for this session.

 

student

PROPOSAL FOR MARRIAGE EDUCATION

Let me take the opportunity to state here that I have written and have with me a comprehensive Proposal for the establishment of a Centre for marriage education in which I have articulated the importance of having a theoretical knowledge about marriage before entering it. The proposal is ideal for church organizations and school proprietors and is meant for educating young people aspiring to marry. Those interested may contact me to peruse the Proposal.

TARGET AUDIENCE

So, my target audience for now is people, both young and old, who find themselves in unhappy marriages. The lesson is going to focus on how to end that unhappiness not by quitting the marriage but by repairing the broken parts that cause the unhappiness, and reading a verse or two from the Bible.

Our aim is to bring back the joy that reigned supreme in the initial stages of the marital union.

 

.love

 

Before proceeding further let me pause here to ask you this vital question. Did you marry your partner out of your own free will and love or were forced into it either by your parents or by circumstances?

This question is very vital because it will help us a lot. If you married your spouse out of your own free will it means there was some element of love from your heart in the initial stages and it will be much easier to rekindle that love if it has faded.

In fact I cannot bring some magic into the forced marriage issue to attempt to make it possibly happy if one of the couple is already unhappy being in it.

Anyway the probability of such a marriage breaking down is high if the element of love is not from both sides.

Sometimes when difference in age is too much the relationship becomes like a father and daughter type or son and mummy affair. It lacks any 50-50 touch. If you are a victim, so.. so.. sorry, I cannot help. Just have my sympathy and move on until Nana Oye moves to your rescue if you are in Ghana.

LACK OF COMMUNICATION

Let me then focus on the former issue to find ways of restoring happiness to dumb marriages.

As enumerated above, several factors account for dumb marriages and some partners may not be on speaking terms for periods ranging from short to long term. Lack of communication is number one killer of marriage. So, how do you kill that killer?

One of you has to play a fool and accept blame for wrongs in the home. The choice of who plays that role should not be difficult if it is intended to bridge a yawning gap to bring back love.

An efficacious medicine, that is one which can heal a disease, is sometimes very bitter.

IDENTIFYING CAUSE

You must have identified the real cause of your unhappiness and so must work seriously to overcome it. It’s not going to be easy though, but the reward is satisfying.

How do you work seriously to overcome a problem which is not your making, for example a husband who is fond of hanging out with friends rather than being with his wife? This is a shared responsibility for both parties.

The husband should recognize the inconvenience to the wife and make serious attempt to spend more time with her. It doesn’t matter if that will result in duplicate pregnancies or bearing of twins. That even doesn’t always mean sex.

The wife on the other hand has to stop nagging if she is that type and try to make her husband feel loved. He’ll prefer being loved by his wife to loving outside good for nothing friends.

 

.nagging wife

Some problems are best solved by the mutual efforts of both partners rather than by the individual.

RESPONSIBILITIES

The one thing in marriage is the man having more responsibilities than the woman. It is his duty to provide food for the family. In many cases loss of job or sickness makes the man disabled to perform this duty and the woman takes over if she is the hardworking type.

This anomaly often brings many marriages into unhappy situations. If the problem comes from sickness, you the wife has to remember your for better or for worse vow and stick to it. Immediately you change your stance, problems shall start creeping into your marriage to make it an unhappy one for both of you, but then you may fail to realize that you are the cause.

In most situations where one partner is unhappy it implies that the other is the cause of the unhappiness and could be indifferent to the feelings of the other. There may also be a major defect he/she may not be aware of.

Communicating lovingly can resolve many of the problems between unhappy spouses. Try it and see the difference.

Relationship Difficulties - Isolated

To admit that you are the cause of unhappiness in your marriage when matters come to a critical point is having half the problem solved. It does not pay to stick to your guns and pretend to be innocent when you know that some mistakes come from you.

HATRED

You have to remove hatred from your thoughts and actions. It is a very negative attitude which can lead you to kill if you harbor it. What wrong will lead you to harbor ill-feelings against somebody you are supposed to love to the extent of hating the person?

ADULTERY

adultery

The worst evil we can think of is adultery. Even in adultery you don’t have to kill, no matter the level of your financial or personal commitment to your spouse.

There are only two things to do with a spouse caught in adultery, which is to seek divorce or to seriously advise and continue loving; anything more than this will result in an unhappy marriage.

AVOID THIRD PARTIES

In very critical situations the two of you may not be able to solve your marital problems without the involvement of third parties. If that will help issues it is better that way than to continue living unhappily, but the best way is to be able to understand each other and know that you are jointly responsible to make your marriage happy and that no one else but you, are marrying.

COMPROMISE

Coming to a compromise is another way of treating issues of demand and supply. One may demand a service on daily basis and the other may not feel the same way. This can often cause a strain in the relationship.

Instead of fighting over this issue or going outside the home to seek extra service (which amounts to adultery), you should come to a compromise and agree on the number of times per week that will be acceptable to both of you.

FEELING

It is very important to develop or have a sentimental feeling for your spouse and to be able to determine how the consequences of your actions will affect him/her. If what you intend to do will not please him/her think twice and stop. That is a basic characteristic of a loving and caring spouse.

In all things accept your fault if your spouse points it out to you, and apologize where necessary. By doing that you endear yourself unknowingly to his/her heart and any previous misunderstanding will be cleared to pave way for reconciliation.

PRAYER

If you find your marital problem to be beyond solution, nothing is impossible for God. Just go down on your knees and cry out to God without tiring. Look back in a years’ time to see if you are in the same situation. God moves in mysterious ways.

.praying

BLUEPRINT FOR MARRIAGE

A manufacturer of machines prints accompanying brochures to give descriptive information and usage guidelines, among others, about his machines so that people who use them will not be lost on how to use or handle them.

Since marriage was ordained by God he has given instructions about it to guide people who marry.

These blueprints are found in the Bible and in the Koran.

It will be refreshing to quote just one passage from the Bible to remind women about what God demands of them in marriage.holy-bible

For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies she is released from the law of her husband.

So then if, while her husband lives she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.—Romans 7: 2,3.

To the men the Bible counsels

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5: 28.

To all, the Bible gives this warning

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13: 4

These are just three instances of God’s view on marriage. See how serious he is?

Follow my pieces of advice and escape his wrath. Hmmm! A word to the wise………

Adieu!

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